This One Emotion Fosters Good Emotional and Mental Health
#1 How to use Vulnerability as a strength — a step-by-step guide
Story 1.
My father suffers from Nosocomephobia — an intense fear of hospitals. It’s a type of anxiety disorder that can cause symptoms and panic attacks. In simple words, he hates going to the doctor; this has prevented him from getting necessary medical care in the past. However, he is in good health now.
Story 2.
My sister dislikes conflicts. She has what in psychology is defined as ‘Conflict Avoidance.’ Asserting her opinion seems scary and unnerving. Instead of confronting the other person, be it a family member or at work, she quickly withdraws herself from the situation. People who respond to conflict this way often expect adverse outcomes and find it difficult to trust the other person’s reaction.
Do these scenarios remind you of someone, or do you often run away from a conflicting situation? Let me begin by saying, you are not alone in ‘running away’ from vulnerability.
Guess what?
This one emotion fosters good emotional and mental health. A powerful emotion that is misunderstood by many.
This brings us to the million-dollar question. What is ‘Vulnerability?’
The shaky feeling which makes you want to turn around and go home, where you can escape the potential judgment of others and your fear of the unfamiliar — is vulnerability.
But by pushing through those doors of uncertainty and fear — you are doing something far more healthy and transformative, according to Brené Brown, a professor and vulnerability researcher at the University of Houston. In fact, “vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences,” she says.
Put simply, to be vulnerable means leaning into the discomfort of the situation and confronting your demons.
While doing my research, I asked a few friends to define vulnerability. They came up with eye-opening responses-
- To ask my husband for help when I’m sick. I don’t want to come across as weak and dependent.
- To approach my boss to discuss a conflict on a current project. She might disapprove of my independent idea.
- To feel discouraged to return to my yoga class as I was not as good as the other students. I felt awkward and a misfit.
- To not pick an argument with my partner for fear of losing her.
These are real issues that you or someone you know is currently experiencing.
This brings us to the next crucial part of the article.
#1 How to use Vulnerability as a strength — a step-by-step guide
We live in a vulnerable world, and we often tend to numb vulnerability. According to Brown, vulnerability and tenderness are the core of shame and fear and our struggle with worthiness. But it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love.
Vulnerability and tenderness are the ability to surrender and walk into the invisible path of life with a leap of faith in yourself.
#2 You have to deconstruct shame to understand the vulnerability
What is shame?
Before I define shame, it is essential to understand that we as humans are neurobiologically wired to feel connected to our environment.
But when you feel shame — you’re worried, ‘If other people see or learn about you, would you not be worthy of their connection?’ Please understand to experience shame is universal. Everyone feels shame at some point in life. People who don’t feel shame have no human empathy or connection capacity. The less you talk about shame, the more you have it.
The factor that underpins shame is excruciating vulnerability.
We have to allow ourselves to be seen for a real connection to happen. Being vulnerable requires bravery, risk, resilience, and trust. But with it can come the most extraordinary, resonating, awesome connections of your life.
#3 A sense of worthiness
People who have a strong sense of worthiness are people with a strong sense of love and belonging. Contrary to someone struggling and suffering from thoughts like — am I good enough? or Do I deserve to be happy?
Only one variable separates wholehearted people from others — they believe they’re worthy of love and belonging.
Wholehearted people who live with a great sense of worthiness encompass the following personality traits —
- Sense of courage — the courage to be imperfect.
- The compassion to be kind to themselves and then to others. Because the truth is we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.
- They have a connection with themselves as a result of authenticity. Wholehearted people can let go of what they should be for them to be who they are.
- To embrace vulnerability. They believe what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. We must look at vulnerability as a necessity. Not something that makes you uncomfortable but a part of being who you are. Like saying ‘I love you first’ or ‘To take a risk in your job’ or ‘Invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.’
- Embrace the mantra, ‘I am enough’ — it’s the place where you stop screaming and start listening to others around you. And you are kinder and gentler to yourselves.
Conclusion
Vulnerability for me is — calling deep on my courage every day. To let myself be seen by others — at home, among my friends, and at work. I approach conflict differently now. I have lost a few friends in the past few years because I expressed how I felt they treated me. I am healed as I understood they were never my real friends.
I am learning to love with my whole heart, even if there is no guarantee to be loved. Each day I try to practice love and joy and gratitude.
I am using vulnerability as a way to live, love, work, and parent, and yes, this journey began five years ago for many reasons. Watching Brené Brown’s Ted Talk ‘The power of vulnerability’ and reading her book ‘Daring greatly — How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead’ inspired me to reflect deeply and look at life differently.
Let me leave you with this thought —
To feel vulnerable is to feel alive.
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In the end.
I would shout out to a few of my fellow writers who have — already established brands, are aspiring writers and always leave their signature marks in their writing.
Carmellita, Dr. Roopleen, Berthran Benaiah, Susie Pinon, Casey Lawrence, Sajid Ali, Justjulieandherblog, Alex Mathers, Natasha Nichole Lake, Angie Smartt, Patty Apostolides, MFA, Diana Meresc, Kimberlee, Nick Wignall, John P. Weiss, Jessica Wildfire, Let’s NOT Sugarcoat It with T.Nichol, Daniel Mesa, Divya Goswami, Eunice Rabert Hernández, Dr John Frederick Rose.
Thank you for reading! ❤
